Monday, February 15, 2016

Seasons of life, being a Mother, and the beauty that lies in it all

Bare with me on this one, I tried not to ramble or go off on a tangent too much. I tend to have a lot on my mind that I want to get out and not quite sure how to put it all into words. Maybe some of you can relate ;p
 
The term "seasons of life" has been mentioned often lately in my life through a friend, MOPS group, even a book I just finished reading called "For the Love" by Jen Hatmaker. As I reflect on my seasons of life I tend to get caught up in reminiscing and some what mourning my past seasons. I often say to my husband "I miss when our kids were tiny babies!" or "Remember when it was just us two?" I tend to get caught up in the past and wishing that time hadn't slipped through my fingers what seems like so quickly, Which is totally ok to do sometimes. 
 
As we approach River's 2nd birthday its hitting me hard that we are passing the "baby" phase. I realize once they turn one they are no longer considered babies, but for me two feels more like a "toddler". It feels like only yesterday, which in fact was roughly 6 years ago, I had that deep desire to start having kids. I prayed daily that God would put that same desire into my husbands heart and that he would finally be ready for babies. Well God had the perfect plan for our lives and 2 years later we were blessed with our first baby, a 9 pound 21 inch baby boy named Hunter. We were absolutely in love and had no idea what we were doing. My mama heart was so full. Those first couple months seems like a blur when I think back, I can remember bits and pieces and am so thankful for photos. I had a tough time transitioning into my new but so desired role as a mom. I suffered through post partum depression and sleep deprivation as most new moms do.
 
So many times I sat in my bed at night crying with this tiny human in my arms, sometimes because I was so exhausted and overwhelmed and other times because I couldn't believe how in love I was with my baby who was half me and half the man I loved. I finally had the role I had wanted my whole life.
A little less than one year later I got pregnant with our second baby. We decided to wait and not find out the gender until the birth. Our sweet baby girl River was born at 7 pounds 12 ounces and 20 inches long. Having two kids under two was rough.
 
My husband and I decided before getting pregnant with our second that I would stay home with both kids and not go back to work. I had worked at the same place for 9 years and have been working some kind of job since I was 16 years old. That first year took a toll on me emotionally, physically and mentally. I tried to prepare for this new season as best as I could but quickly became overwhelmed and worn out. This new transition into mothering two and not working outside of the home had me feeling lost, alone, unsure of myself, unfulfilled, and very low. Putting so much energy into caring for two small humans I had little left to put into my marriage, friends and even myself. 



















 
Here we are a year later, still a little sleep deprived I have days where I have to give myself a pep talk but I'm learning to embrace and truly enjoy this season of life I am in now. I by no means have it all together all the time and I fail on a daily basis, but that's what being human is right?!! I'm so thankful for forgiving kids, a husband and an all loving God. I look back on those first days, weeks, and months with my new babies and wish I would have realized how quickly they would pass, I miss them. As busy, stressful, scary, messy, smelly, and laughable as they were I won't ever get them back. Its a funny thing what time does to our emotions and attitudes.

We've always planned on having only two kids and we were blessed with a sweet boy and a spirited girl. People joke all the time that we're going to have a third, sorry people not happening ;) 


 
 

 These two are my whole world, they make me a better person. I have a purpose and fulfilled life being their mama. I absolutely LOVE and can't imagine doing anything besides this. I am confident knowing God gave them to me to teach and bring them up to be a strong man and woman of Him.
Whatever season of life you are in, embrace it. God put you there for a reason and purpose. Even if you don't have all the answers and some days are harder than others, find the good and beauty in your life.
 




3 comments :

  1. Great post Christy! I feel the same way about wanting my kiddos little again. Micah often reminds me to live in the moment. Motherhood is tough but wonderful. Thank you for your honesty. Play date soon?
    Colleen

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  2. Loved it Christy! And you are doing such a good job raising those babes. :) Thanks for reminding me to cherish the moment I'm in NOW. As much as I want to have my own babies, there will be a time where I'll be dreaming of the time it was "just the two of us." Gotta live in the moment!

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  3. Aww, you girls comments made me so happy that I wrote this. I love to get feedback especially on a subject that is close to my heart but maybe not everyone can relate to

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